Update
Hey guys, in case you missed it, I put out chapter 12 of Forgive me last night.
the last chapter will be out soon, and then I’ll be starting a new fan fiction. Let me know what you think (:
Forgive me
Previous chapter (aka in case you forgot what happened because I’m an asshole and haven’t updated in so long)
Previously; I slid her arms back down to her side as I just stared back at her, resting my forehead on hers, both of us just taking each other in.
I had missed her.
Chapter 12
Alyssa’s POV;
I opened my eyes and squinted, the sun managing to shine through my curtains into my eyes from a million miles away. I breathed in deeply, stretching my legs out on the bed and opening my eyes fully.
“Mmm,” Logan muttered from beside me as he opened his eyes slowly, finding me staring at him.
“Am I creepy,” I whisper, my face centimeters in front of his.
“No your pretty,” he laughs, looking at my face, “and you have a cute nose,” he chuckles, running his thumb down the bridge of my nose.
“Is that so?” I ask, raising my eyebrow as I rest my forehead on his, both of us lying on our sides, facing each other
“Mmhmm,” he mumbles, kissing me softly, his lips curving into a smile, “and you have nice lips too, but you know what’s most important?” He asks innocently, looking at me wide-eyed.
“What?” I ask, biting my lip quizzically.
“Your heart,” he says in a motherly tone, patting his chest where his heart is.
“You’re such a dork, you know that?” I say, shaking my head rolling over my side of the bed on top of him, “if it wasn’t for the fuzzy sweaters you wear, I probably wouldn’t even hang around with you,” I retorted, staring down at him nonchalantly.
He frowned up at me, giving me his sad blue eyes.
“Okay,” I sigh, “and your heart, I like you heart too” I tell him in a motherly tone, patting his chest and kissing him again.
He laughs, wrinkles forming on the side of his eyes as he sits up in bed. I fit myself comfortably in his lap so both my legs are wrapped around his torso.
“What do you want to do today?” I ask him, resting my palms on the mattress, leaning backwards.
“Hang out with you my sugar muffin,” he mutters while kissing me.
I cross my arms and stare at him.
“Really? Not buying it?” He asks, watching me closely.
I shake my head, trying not to laugh.
“Fine, actually I didn’t want to hang out with you today.”
I push him down onto his back, holding his arms down.
“Don’t sass me, Lerman.”
I get off of him and walk into the bathroom, “get changed, let’s go get some breakfast,” I smile, yelling at him as I close the door, hearing his laughter coming from the other room.
-
“So technically you are my girlfriend,” he says casually as we walk out of ihop.
“Technically?” I ask, raising my eyebrow, “I’m sorry, there must be too much maple syrup in me, I don’t quite understand,” I say innocently, cheekily pushing him for more information
“Well, see we hold hands, and we sleep in the same bed, and we eat pancakes together and I call you sugar muffin.”
I laugh at him, gripping his hand tighter as we walk down the street, “I guess technically I am,” I blush, “I mean, you calling me sugar muffin just seals the deal.”
“Ah hold on,” he stops walking, “I’ll meet you in the car okay, I told Dean I’d get him coffee from Starbucks,” he says, smiling with his arm around my waist.
“Mmkay,” I reply, parting ways with him.
Logan’s POV;
I couldn’t help but smile as I waited in line for Dean’s coffee, I grabbed the cup from the cashier and handed him a couple of dollars, walking out of the store and making my way down the street.
“Logan?”
I turned around and almost dropped my coffee.
“Well shit,” he swore, staring at me.
“Tom**,” I mumbled, staring at the shaggy haired guy in front of me, he hadn’t really changed in the past few years, still tall and well built.
“Jesus Christ, I never thought I’d actually see you again.”
“Yeah,” I replied, still dazed.
“Right,” he pauses, “uh right, you probably have somewhere to be, I wasn’t exactly prepared for this,” he spoke, staring at the coffee in my hand then back at me.
“No man, uh it’s, it’s good to see you,” I lied. Cause it really wasn’t that good seeing him, I could see her features etched in his face, becoming more apparent by the second, bringing back a lot of old memories.
“Just, just wait right here, I need to get something from my car,” he rushed, running off before I could even reply, leaving me standing there.
5 minutes passed and I saw him running up the sidewalk, a CD in his hand, “I- I can’t say much, but uh just listen to this alone, alright man? You take care,” he stuttered, and I realized how petrified he was starting to look, he gave me a final pat on my back before walking away.
I stood on the sidewalk, a CD in one hand and a coffee in another.
Listen to it alone
I thought of Alyssa in the car waiting for me, turning around, I made my way around the corner and into the CD shop
-
I stood in the store, the manager nice enough to let me ‘test out’ the new cd player. Shaking slightly, I stuck my headphones into the headphone jack and pressed play.
“Is it on?”
My finger hit pause before my mind could even register what I had heard. But there was no mistaking the sound of her voice. Melanie**.
“Mmhmm go ahead,” I hear Tom’s voice in the background.
“Hi Logan.”
Her voice is soft, just as I remembered, there’s a long pause before she sighs.
“I’m, sorry, I’m-
She stops herself, I can hear her inhaling deeply, the sound piercing my ears like a knife.
I don’t want to speak to much,
Please don’t stop, my mind begs.
I didn’t wanted to do this, but Tom thought that if by chance you were to ever see him somewhere, that, that you deserved…closure. Don’t be mad at him for never looking for you, I told him not to, but if you are listening to this now, I suppose you’ve seen him somewhere, by chance or, fate I guess.
I stop the cd player, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes.
I wanted to say I’m sorry, for what I did to you, it was never your fault, and I just want you to know that and, and you couldn’t have stopped anything that was happening, none of it. I guess I just wanted to let you know,
There’s silence, and I think the CD is over, just as I’m about to check, her voice fills my ears.
I did love you, I always did.
I hear a muffled sob and the CD player stops,
and I’m left there staring at it.
Didn’t read my first fan fiction?
**Melanie? - Logan’s girlfriend who passed away a couple of years ago
**Tom? - Melanie’s half brother.
Anyways, the last chapter will come out in a day or two, and then I’ll probably be starting a new fan fiction. I also re-downloaded Photoshop today, so more imagines will be on their way (: Enjoy. xx
-Armita
Forgive me.
Chapter 11
*Tell me what you think of my little announcement down there (: *
Alyssa’s POV;
This was the second time I was out with him, and I didn’t know how much more I could take.
I stared at him as he sat across from me at the restaurant table, paying the bill for dinner that I had barely touched.
I hated him so much.
“Listen,” he spoke with his monotone voice, not even looking up at me, “I booked a hotel room for us for tomorrow night, be there at 8, a couple of my friends will be there too and I don’t need you to keep us waiting.”
I stared at him in disbelief, my mouth slightly parted as I felt my heart get heavy in my chest.
“I- I-
“DAMN IT ALYSSA!” He yelled suddenly, hitting the restaurant table as people around us began to stare, “don’t look at me like that” he stared at me, “don’t forget what I could do to you. Hurry up, I need to get you home, I’m meeting other people soon,” he spoke as if everything was normal again, getting up from his seat and walking away.
-
I slammed the front door of my house behind me, hearing his car drive away in the distance. I ran up the stairs as I breathed heavily, tears falling down my cheeks. I stopped at the top of the staircase as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.
1 new message: Alex
room 403, beverly hills hotel, 8. don’t forget to wear something nice, everyone expecting a good show (;
I clicked on the attachment, looking at a picture of my barely covered self staring back at me. I pursed my lips together, turning my phone away from my eyes.
How could I have been so dumb?
I screamed. Screamed all my hatred for him out. No one was ome to hear me, no one was around to see me like this. I threw my phone down the hall as I walked into my room, closing the door behind me as I crashed into my bed, my tears wetting the pillow instantly.
Logan’s POV;
I opened my eyes, my ears ringing from a scream as everything suddenly went silent. I got up from bed, looking at the time, Dean had gone out with some girl and I had opted to stay home, not exactly because I was tired like I had told him.
A door shut outside as I got up abruptly, opening Dean’s bedroom door and staring into the deserted hallway. A small light came from the corner as I saw Alyssa’s phone lying there. I walked outside slowly and picked it up. I almost dropped it again as I saw who was on the screen. I closed the attachment to see where the picture had come from. I wasn’t surprised when I saw who it was from, but I was surprised when I saw the message.
It all made sense now.
Sort of.
-
I walked into the hotel at a quarter to 8 in my jeans and navy blue t-shirt, making my way to the elevator. Finding room 403 on the sign, I pushed the button.
Ding
I walked down the hall, my eyes searching the door signs, a crazy look in my eyes. I stood in front of room 403 and knocked the door without hesitation.
I heard mumbling coming from inside followed by laughter before a muffled voice came from behind the door.
“You’re early for on- FUCK
My hand hit his jaw before he could even finish his sentence.
“What the fuck dude, I thought you said this was a pay and go thing,” a guy spoke from behind him.
“Man we’re out, fuck you,” another one said as they ran past me without hesitation, Alex still on the ground.
“What the FUCK are you doing he-
“Don’t even speak you little prick,” I told him, pursing my lips.
He got up and watched me before smirking, “man just because you can’t keep your girl doesn’t mean you have to-
I was about to hit him again but someone else cut both of us off.
“LOGAN! NO! STO- STOP!” Her familiar voice rang through my ears as she ran in front of me.
“Was this your plan?” Alex spit out, his lip bleeding.
She shook her head vigorously, staring up at him in fear. I raised my fist-
“Do-don’t hit him, I like him what are you doing,” she stuttered throughout her whole sentence, grabbing onto his hand as he shook her off.
“I know what he’s doing to you Lyss,” I told her, only looking into her eyes.
She watched me closely, her eyes trying to believe me.
“Man you know jack fucking shit-
I cut him off, pushing him onto the wall, “listen, in case your complete lack of intelligence didn’t inform you, Alyssa is underage which means I can charge you with rape, those pictures you’re threatening her with, if I find even one on the internet I will get the best lawyer I can find and sue your ass for more than your life is worth. Man if you knew the amount of things I could charge you with you wouldn’t even be looking at me right now,” I told him, my hand pushing his chest against the wall as he struggled.
“You have one fucking decision,” I spat, letting go of him.
He stared at the both of us, “man fuck you, you’re a bitch too, nobody needs you,” he swore, walking out of the hotel room.
Alyssa followed behind him, stopping in the middle of the hallway as she watched him go. She turned back to me as I walked towards her.
I watched her intently as she stared up at me.
“I’m sorry,” she barely whispered, her eyes glassy.
I hated her when she was so scared, like every move I made was made to hit her. I hated this.
“You lied to me,” I growled at her, her face still full of fear as she backed up.
“You could have told me the truth but you chose not to,” I spoke slowly as I walked towards her. Her brows furrowed momentarily, but returned to normal as I looked down at her.
“You were scared of everything, you didn’t trust me” I spoke again, as she finally looked at me in the eyes.
Still nothing.
“Didn’t even care that you were putting me through all this shit-
“EXCUSE ME?” She finally spat.
She cracked.
“ALL THIS SHIT I PUT YOU THROUGH?” She laughed as she threw her head back, standing up properly . ”LET’S JUST SEE WHO WAS PUT THROUGH MORE SHIT, YOU AND YOUR OBNOXIOUS LITTLE GIRLFRIENDS ARE ALL FULL OF SHIT, AND SO ARE YOU YOU LITTLE SHIT,” she continued, pushing her finger into my chest as she spoke, her eyes wild. “YOU, YOU PUT ME THROUGH ALL THE SHIT YOU’RE FILLED WITH,” She breathed out, exasperated as her facial expression came to terms with what she was saying as I watched her wide eyes return to me.
I walked towards her slowly as she backed up against the wall. I averted my eyes to her hands, slowly bringing my fingers to hers and slowly lacing them together. My body was centimeters away from hers, I could feel her warm breath spread across my neck. Both of my hands were intertwined with hers as I slid them up the wall of the hotel corridor, holding her arms above her as I kissed her, finally feeling her push her body against me, making my shirt rise slightly, her dress fabric rubbing on my bare skin.
I slid her arms back down to her side as I just stared back at her, resting my forehead on hers, both of us just taking each other in.
I had missed her.
ANNOUNCEMENT YAY.
-Hi everyone, I know this took awhile to get up but I had been thinking about starting something and I kind of wanted your opinion. I’ve seen lot’s of other fandoms do this but I haven’t seen it here yet. Logan Lerman imagines.
You know those posts with like a small sentence or paragraph saying like, for example ‘imagine Logan is…. ’ and below it is a gif of the person that relates to the sentence or paragraph. Those posts give me so many feels omg and I downloaded a couple of editing software’s that day and I thought if you guys wanted me to start making some then I would try it out. I mean, I don’t know when I’ll start or how often I’ll make them but, I mean it’s up to all of you. So let me know (: xx
Forgive me.
Chapter 10
Alyssa’s POV;
6:55
I sat on the corner of my bed, smoothing out the black dress I had on but scrunching it up again, just enough to see the words I had written on my legs.
Whore
Slut
Wreck
Disgusting
I smoothed my dress back down again, running my fingers down my arms as I waited, checking my phone.
6:55
I sighed and sobbed at the same time, running my fingers through my hair-
“Alyssa what the fuck are you doing.”
I jumped, looking up as I saw Dean walking into my room looking furious.
He wasn’t even looking at me, pacing in front of me as he continued on.
“Did I not fucking tell you to not mess with his feelings? Did I not FUCKING tell you the purpose of me letting him stay here? Cause I’m sure I did. And did you fucking listen? OF COURSE NOT.”
I flinched at his words, I didn’t need all of this, I didn’t need him yelling because of me, all I needed was a,
a hug.
“You know Alyssa, maybe if you would just fucking listen to the things I said someti- what are you doing?”
I had my arms around him before he even knew what was happening. I rested my head on his chest as I slowly breathed in, closing my eyes in the process.
My brother.
“I really do like him,” I whispered, feeling my eyelashes moisten as I walked past him and out the door as he just stood there and watched me.
I made way to the bathroom, closing the door behind me and sliding down it, resting my head softly on my knees.
Logan’s POV;
“I don’t know man, she’s acting so fucking crazy,” Dean spat out as he walked into our room.
“What did she say?” I asked, getting off of the bed.
“She hugged me.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I was getting mad at her, then she just hugged me and went to the bathroom.”
I didn’t even answer him, walking out of his room as I heard him mutter in the distance, “you know, if someone just had a full conversation with me instead of walking out of the door maybe we could sort this out.”
I stood outside of the bathroom, pressing my ear to the door as I listened quietly.
“Why am I such a disgusting whore?” I heard her soft voice coming from inside.
I opened the door slowly, watching her sit by the bath tub with her head down. She didn’t seem to notice I was there.
“You’re not disgusting or a whore,” I mumbled softly, watching her head snap up.
I looked at her closely, scanning down to her legs as I made out the words she had written on them. She noticed me looking as she stood up, turning away from me. I walked up behind her, sliding my hands around her waist and resting my chin on the crook of her neck so my mouth was centimeters away from her ear.
“You’re not disgusting, you’re not a whore” I whispered.
“Don’t,” she whispered quietly, her voice full of pain and lust, “please don’t tell me the things you tell every other girl.”
I stood behind her, confused, “what are you-
“You can’t keep using the same words on me, I know you say the same things to other girls, I-
“I, I love the way your hair smells like strawberries after you shower, how your lip twitches when I kiss you, but only on the nights when you’re tired. I love how you chew your food exactly five times before you swallow, how I always catch you dancing alone in your room. I love how you still roll your spaghetti up perfectly on your spoon, how your eyes fill with excitement every time your favourite shows come on and how you always try to hide it. I love how I can sit down and listen to you talk about books and movies all day and how I can just watch you an-
“Stop,” she whispered quietly, her eyes closed and hands still gripped tightly over my forearms, taking in everything I had just said with my body still wrapped around hers perfectly.
I turned her around slowly,holding her by her waist as she looked up at me. I leaned into her slowly, placing my lips on hers while she entangled her fingers in my hair. I kissed her softly, soon forgetting everything that had happened these past few days. I rested my forehead on hers, letting my lower lip hang on her upper lip for a moment as we watched each other in silence.
The silence was soon broken by honking coming from outside. I loosened my grip on her waist, looking away from her for a moment as I moved my hand to the bathroom curtain, moving it aside and looking outside at the dark. I watched his tall form leaning on his car, a lit cigarette in his hand. His eyes searched the front of the house until he spotted me watching him. He smirked slightly, tapping his cigarette as the ashes fell to the ground.
I turned back around, staring at Alyssa, “you’re going out with him?” I asked slowly, scanning her clothes and only now realizing why she was so dressed up.
She held onto her bag tightly, her knuckles turning white as she stared at me, nothing but fear in her eyes.
“Tell me what’s wro-,” I asked, stepping towards her, but she backed away from me. I searched her eyes for something more, anything.
“Tell me you don’t want me, walk out of that door and I’ll leave you alone for good.”
She watched me as I stared back at her, hoping that the only step she would take was towards me. Her eyes started turning glassy as her lip quivered. Her brows furrowed slightly as I caught a glimpse of pain in her eyes before she quickly shut it all out. My eyes caught her hand twitch for a moment, like she wanted to reach out for me, but she rested it back down at her side. She stood there, stiff, like she was waiting for me to grab onto her.
But just like that, before I could make another move, she was gone.
-Sorry this took a while guys but I just wanted to say a massive thank you to every single person who has followed me, sent me an ask and liked my posts, always keeping me motivated to write (: I was looking through my blog and realized that I started it on December last year, so I guess my ‘blog anniversary’ is coming up soon haha. So yeah, just wanted to let all of you know that you guys are best.
Forgive me.
Chapter 9
Alyssa’s POV;
I carried the grocery bag in my right hand, the soft crinkle of the plastic making a barely audible thud on my jeans as I took every step.
I stared down at the sidewalk as I walked home, Target not being too far from my house. I kept replaying what that girl had said to me, how did she know all of that. Everything he told me, she repeated. Every way he moved, she described perfectly. I guess I was expecting something more than a replay of what he had done to everyone else.
Lyss.
I could hear Logan’s voice running through my head, imagining his soft voice speaking to me as he stared into my eyes, wanting me to catch every word.
Lyss
Lyssa
I stopped where I was. Only one person ever called me Lyssa. I heard a low rumbling coming from behind me. I turned around, finding his Toyota parked on the side of the road.
His face was shadowed behind the open window frame, but it couldn’t be mistaken.
I watched him for a moment, his face appeared to be soft but emotionless.
“Can we talk?” I heard him speak quietly from inside his car, moving his head nearer to the window as he watched me from afar.
I just stood there, seemingly petrified.
“Please?” He asked again, his tone, if even possible, softening more.
I took a deep breath, wiping away the tears from my cheeks subtly as I made my way around the front of his car, opening the door and taking a seat on the passengers side.
“Hi Alex.”
I watched him slowly as he turned to me, curiosity filling my eyes. Suddenly, his face broke into a grin, moving his hand to the side of his car door.
*Click*
All four doors locked as he turned back to face me.
“Um,” I spoke slowly, staring straight into his eyes that were once soft, but now appeared a darker shade. Redness replacing the white of his eyes.
“Why are you so scared?” He asked simply, smiling at me.
I held onto his sentences, noticing him slurring between words.
“Ha- have you been drink-oh,” I began to ask, getting scared as I moved my hand to the car door, trying to open it before he grabbed onto my wrist.
My eyes widened as I tried to twist my arm out of his grasp, his grip tightening every time I moved.
“Ow, Alex stop you’re hurting me,” I cried out as he finally let go of my hand, leaving red hand marks on my arm.
“Why-” I tried to ask before he raised his hand, slapping me straight across the cheek.
“You thought you could just leave me?” He asked viciously, a side of him I’d never seen before. My body was too shocked to register any pain as I watched him in horror.
“You just thought you could leave with some asshole and I would let you?” He asked me again, getting so close to me that I could smell the alcohol coming from his breath. “You- You just thought you could go and I would be fine?” He asked again, starting to stutter as his voice lowered slightly, his face returning to what I had always seen when I was with him.
“Alex-” I tried to speak to him slowly, looking at him in the eyes.
“STOP TALKING!” He screamed, his soft tone not lasting long as he hit me again, making me whimper as I sunk into the corner of the seat, tears streaming down my face.
“You’re a fucking bitch you know that?” He told me, spitting in my face, “you stupid whore,” he continued as I turned away from him, waiting for him to stop and let me go.
“LOOK AT ME!” He yelled, grabbing onto my throat with one of his hands.
“Why were you crying when you got in here?” He mocked, letting go of my neck as he laughed. I knew he had left a bruise. ”Did he fuck some other whore? I wouldn’t be surprised,” he laughed, “look at yourself, you’re a fucking wreck, probably got tired of you already.”
He raised his hand again as I flinched, placing in on the steering wheel, “we’re going out tomorrow, I’m picking you up at 7,” he spoke nonchalantly, not even bothering to look at me as he spoke anymore.
I nodded my head vigorously, wanting him to just let me go.
“Don’t think you can just ignore me Lyssa,” he smiled, “we were together for quite a while, not that that fucking mattered to you but every picture you ever sent me is still in my phone. Think about it bitch.”
I looked up at him slowly, not believing that this was happening.
“Get the fuck out of my car.”
I opened the door with my shaking hand as his car sped off. I started hyperventilating as I crashed onto the sidewalk, looking at my arms. His hand prints were everywhere. Feeling my neck, I flinched as my touch crossed paths with a bruise. My ears rang, his loud voice still clear in my head. I got up slowly, almost falling because my legs were so numb as I began walking home, running my fingers up my arm slowly.
-
Run up the stairs and into your room, I repeated to myself, standing in front of my house as I wiped away the remaining tears on my cheek.
“Hey Lyss, is that you?” I heard his all too familiar voice yell from the kitchen as I opened the front door slowly.
My eyes widened, my heart filling up with fear and anger as I ran up the stairs quietly, flinching again as my bedroom door closed behind me, any loud noise causing a shiver to run up my spine.
I curled up in my bed, pulling the covers up to my neck as I sunk into the thoughts of what had happened, closing my eyes and hoping I could wake up to this morning again.
-
“Alyssa?” I opened my eyes a bit, the space around me dark.
“Lyss?” He asked again, louder. I started to panic, thinking he was back again as I sprinted out of my bed, running to the bathroom door.
“Lyss what are you doing?” His soft tone asked again as I stopped in my tracks.
It wasn’t him, I told myself. My back was facing Logan as my hand held the bathroom door knob in my bedroom. I looked down at my arms, light red marks filling them. Everything hit me at once as I closed my eyes tightly, feeling they were swollen from crying so much.
“Alyssa what are you doing?” Logan asked again as I turned around, seeing him walking towards me.
“St-stop,” I stuttered, backing up from him.
He stopped moving, watching me. His blue eyes looked green in the low light. He put his bottom lip in between his teeth, something he did when he was confused, trying to figure out what was going on. His face was full of concern, looking more confused as he saw my face filled with fear.
“Lyss what happened?” He asked, “where did you go?”
“Nowhere, go away, I- I don’t want to talk to you.” I mumbled, not looking up at him.
“Lyss what the fuck happened when you were gone?” He asked me yet another question, his voice filled with frustration, not understanding anything.
He took a few more steps towards me. I backed up quickly until I hit the bathroom door, the thud making me jump and flinch.
“Lyss what happen…” his voice softened, trailing off as he started to get scared, watching my every move. He took a few more steps towards me until he stood inches away from me. I kept my head down, hiding my neck and keeping my arms to my side. He looked down at me slowly, his eyes filled with a mixture of fear and lust. He scanned me as his eyes reached my arms. He took my hand in his, even though I tried to struggled.
“Lyss what the hell happened to you?” he asked again taking my other hand in his as he scanned the light marks on them.
“Fuck Lyss,” he swore, running his thumb softly across my arms as I flinched at his touch. He noticed, looking at me in the eyes.
“Hey,” he spoke softly, lifting up my chin with his finger, his soft touch making my heart race, his eyes widened as he saw more marks on my neck.
He moved his hand towards my waist softly, scaring me as I moved away quickly. He looked like he was about to raise his voice again, angry as he saw the marks on my arms, but he looked into my eyes that were starring back at him in fear, before speaking again.
“Tell me who did this to you,” he spoke quietly, trying to keeping his cool as the soft lull of his voice replaced the harsh voice of Alex that was engraved in my mind.
His chest looked so warm, the soft scent of his cologne that I smelt everyday filling the air around me. His strong arms that showed his veins so clearly inviting me in for a soft hug, his fingers looking like their soft touch could stop the quivering of my cheek. His eyes showing nothing but lust and concern, his lips that were slightly parted taunting me, waiting for me to crash onto them any second now, and so I said the only thing that I could, the only thing I would say.
“Nothing happened, I don’t need your help Logan, I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Forgive me
Chapter 8
Alyssa’s POV;
Fuck.
My head started throbbing before I even opened my eyes.
I felt the surface below me, opening my eyes slightly to see that I was still in my bedroom, I smiled a bit, remembering last nights party.
I turned to my other side, still squinting my eyes as I reached for my phone on the night stand-
“HOLY SHIT!” I yelled, feeling someone else beside me as I opened my eyes fully.
“Hm, what, what?” A groggy voice came from beside me as I saw Logan turn around, his hair a mess as he stared at me wide eyed, his shirt slightly raised.
“Wh- why are you in my bed,” I asked slowly, sitting up on my elbows as I stared at him.
“Um-
“Oh God,” I cut him off, lifting up the covers to see if our clothes were still-
“We, didn’t do anything,” he grinned, taking my hand from the covers.
I lay back down, sighing in relief.
“Though you sure seemed eager to last night-“
“WHAT?”
He started laughing, getting up from bed.
“What else was I eager to do last night?” I asked slowly, afraid of what he was going to tell me.
“Common,” he picked me up with both of his arms, the veins in his forearms showing as my head rested lightly on his left arm while my legs hung off of his right, “let’s get rid of your hangover first.”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I yelled as he opened the door to my bedroom with me in his arms.
“Shh,” he lifted me higher so my face was level with his as he whispered into my ear, “just enjoy the ride.”
I looked up to see him smirking, “my head hurts too much to deal with your sexual innuendos,” I groaned, lying my head back down on his arm as he left my bedroom.
I felt my stomach drop as he walked down the staircase, “WHOAA- um, um this would probably be a good time to mention that I’m afraid of heights,” I told him, clenching onto his side.
“You’re so cute when you’re scared,” he laughed.
I pulled myself up, grabbing onto his shoulder for support as he continued walking down the hallway, “you know, half the time I don’t know if you like me or you’re going to kill me.”
“Says the one who threatened to push me off of a roof,” he replied nonchalantly.
“And I was so close.”
“Not close enough I guess,” he smirked.
We reached the kitchen as he sat me down on top of the counter. I sat there watching him as he stood infront of me smiling.
“Can we go back to bed ple-
He cut me off as he held onto my waist with both hands, gently sliding me closer to him as I wrapped my legs around his waist. My arms made their way around his toned torso as he kissed me, his arms that were so seemingly strong made their way further around my waist gently. Every small move his hands made sent a shock up my spine.
“Or we could just stay here,” I laughed, smiling into our kiss, his soft lips making my stomach turn.
I pulled him closer, wrapping my legs around him tighter as-
“WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-GUYS NO-GUYS COMMON,” I heard someone yell.
I leaned away and so did Logan as we both turned our heads to the right. Dean stood in the kitchen hallway, his hands outstretched in front of him blocking us from his view.
“This,” he spoke loudly and clearly, pointing his hands at the both of us, “this is not okay. I,” he continued, pointing his finger at himself, “should not walk in on you two,” he turned his finger back at us, “eating each others faces off!”
Logan took a step back, holding both his hands up slightly in surrender, a subtle smirk still left on his face. I couldn’t help but grin.
“There should be a set of ground rules on what you two are allowed to do in open ares in this house!” He motioned with his hands.
“Oh calm your tits Dean,” I scoffed, jumping off of the table, “you guys sort this out, I’m going to the store to get something for my headache.”
-
I walked down the isle of Target, looking through the tea section.
“-Oh!” I let out, hitting my shoulder against the rack of crackers behind me.
“Oh God, I’m soo sorry! I didn’t see you, are you alright?” I heard a soft voice ask.
I rubbed my temples slowly, pushing away this mornings hangover as I stood upright, turning to the person in front of me.
“Yeah I-” I caught my breath, my eyes widening as I stared at the girl in front of me.
She was beautiful.
She looked around my age and had layered, long blonde hair with slight dark undertones and bright blue eyes, her figure petite and her teeth perfectly aligned.
“Yeah, I’m, I’m alright, don’t worry,” I smiled, not being able to take my eyes off of her.
“You don’t look alright, are you sure you’re alright? You look a bit green,” she asked again, putting her hand lightly on my shoulder as she watched me, a look of concern plastered on her face.
“Yeah,” I laughed, “just a bit hungover from last night,” I told her quietly as her face broke into a grin, but she didn’t look very surprised.
“Alright,” she said, smiling as she turned around, “as long as you’re not hurt.”
I turned back to my basket, picking it up and walking ba-
“Wait!” I heard the same voice call as I turned back around, “I’m sorry but, have I seen you somewhere before?” The same girl asked, walking back towards me.
“Um, no, not that I know of,” I replied trying to remember the last time I had seen someone so pretty, but the only thing I could hear was the banging against the inside of my head..
“It’s just, I know I’ve seen you somewhere before, you look so familiar.”
I began shaking my head, still not remembering who she was-
“Oh my God,” she cut off my thoughts, her face lighting up, “you’re that girl that’s dating that actor guy right? What’s his name?” She asked, but I was pretty sure she was asking herself as I stood there watching her, my eyebrows raised slightly, grinning. “Logan Lerman right?” She said finally.
“Yeah, I mean we’re just really good friends,” I told her, trying to keep her voice down.
“Oh, I’ve heard that one before. But I guess you should just be careful, cause I mean- no you know never mind, it’s nothing,” she smiled sweetly, “I gotta run anyways.”
“Be careful?” I asked, stopping her as I furrowed my brows, “with what?”
“It’s just- you know what, no,it would be mean to tell you, I really should just g-
“Or, you could just tell m-
“Yeah you really should know,” she cut me off quickly, pulling me to the side of the isle.
“See, well, my friend,” she started, her voice getting serious again, “super pretty, kinda looks like you actually, she used to date that Logan guy, which is exactly where I saw you from, she showed me a picture of you two out the other night and I don’t know she just told me a whole lot about him, the way he sweet talked her.”
I was about to tell this girl that I had to go. She seemed like some crazy stalker by the way she changed her tone of voice.
“Yeah, um you know what, I really have to run, I’m a bit late,” I told her, smiling as polite as possible as I turned around.
“I just want us to work, I want you to be okay,” I heard her speak nonchalantly her voice low.
I stood upright for a moment, not turning around to face her.
How did she…
“What’s wrong? Heard that somewhere before? What a coincidence, that’s exactly what Logan said to my friend, oh she told me everything he said when they broke up, came crying to me in the middle of the night. She said he liked to repeat things to other girls, he tries to help you out with your life problems, then he looks at you with those eyes, those blue eyes that seem to change color every once in a while. Or so I was told anyways,” she smirked, “I guess it wasn’t only her he was fucking with huh.”
I stared at her in disbelief, remembering everything he said to me last night, and this girl that I had never met before was repeating it all to me word for word. I felt my heart sink lower into my chest. I put down my basket, turning around to leave as I felt my eyes start to water.
I stopped midway, turning around to look at her, standing there watching me with an emotionless face.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Right,” she smiled, “I didn’t introduce myself,” she paused, as if thinking about her own name.
“I’m Alexa.”
Hii guys (: so a couple of things. My exams start tomorrow and I’ll probably be gone for a week or so but no more exams for the rest of the year so yeahh. Anyways I needed to clear some things up,
-Basically the words in bold in this chapter and the last are preeety relevant *hint hint*
-From here I guess the fanfic will only make sense if you’ve read Love at First Sign, heh.
-Also, I don’t think I’ll be making this fan fiction as long as the last, maybe around 15 chapters?
Forgive me
Chapter 7
Alyssa’s POV;
“Miss, miss, there’s…” I heard a soft voice speak as I opened my eyes slowly, the bright lights above hitting me immediately.
“Hm, sorry?” I asked, opening my eyes fully to find a nurse standing above me.
“There’s someone outside who wants to see you, he says it’s urgent.”
Alex. My heart started racing, thinking that he was back to yell at me for everything I’d done.
“Lyss?” I jumped at the sound of his voice.
Letting out a sigh of relief, my whole body relaxed as I turned to the door, finding a grinning Logan starring at me, in a dark blue shirt and some jeans, his toned biceps stretching the arm holes slightly.
“Hey, how you feeling?” He asked, walking to me as he held his hands behind his back.
“Much better,” I smiled, “what’s behi-
“Shh, shh, shh,” he laughed, sitting down beside me, “I have a surprise for you, close your eyes.”
I closed my eyes, grinning suspiciously.
“Okay, open,” he spoke, just as I opened my eyes to see a small stack of papers stapled together in front of me.
“What’s…..” my voice trailed off, opening the first page and reading what was written.
”A script?” I asked, watching him closely.
“Yeah, well for a small commercial but I thought it could get you started again, on something you like,” he spoke cautiously, watching each word.
I sort of stared at him for awhile, I was happy but more than anything, scared.
“I mean, I haven’t read one of these things since…” I trailed of flipping through the pages.
“Let’s try now?” He asked, looking at the script with me.
I scanned the page trying to read over the first few lines and memorize.
But you can’t memorize when the letters are floating everywhere.
“Um, let’s maybe just not do this now,” I mumbled.
“Why, what’s wro-
“I can’t read it, the words they, they still don’t make sense. I thought I could read scripts, they were the only thing I could make out, but now, now all the letters float around the page and-
“Hey, hey it’s alright,” Logan stopped me as I started tearing up, wrapping me in his arms so my head was rested on his warm chest, breathing in the soft scent of his clone.
“Calm down,” he whispered into my ear, his voice low, “it isn’t a big deal, you’ve been having a rough week, you want to go out tonight?”
I stopped for awhile, sitting upright, “did you just ask me out on a date?”
“Well yeah, I mean, if you wanted to, sure.” He mumbled, cheeks flushing as he looked down.
I giggled, watching him closely as I wiped my eyes dry, “you really never stop this awkward thing do you?”
“I mean, well hey, the chicks dig it,” he laughed.
“You’re right, I like awkward,” I smiled, winking at him.
“So is that a yes or a no for mister awkward?”
“A definite yes.”
-
“Brilliant!” I laughed as we sat on the park bench alone at 9pm, the cool night air filling my lungs. “A full course meal of pasta and cookies, along with ice cream for dessert.”
“Chef Logan never fails to please,” he smiled, little wrinkles appearing on the sides of his eyes.
“An actor, a singer AND a chef, I can see why the girls swoon.”
He laughed, resting his elbows on the table as he breathed in deeply.
I watched him closely as he looked at me, “this isn’t it, is it?”
“What?”
“You’re from LA, people like you don’t just go for dinner.”
“People like me?” He gasped, acting offended.
I crossed my arms, eyeing him.
“Fine, there is this party.”
I stood up abruptly, hitting the table with my hand.
“What’s wrong?” He jumped, looking surprised.
“We’re missing a party Logan, common.”
Logan’s POV;
“Wanna go say hi to the birthday boy?” I asked over the music, pulling her into the club by hand. There were people scattered around the place, the lights were dark and the music was loud, a bar stood to the right of everything.
“I’ll meet you there, I’ll get us a couple of drinks first,” she smiled, making her way through the crowd.
“Logan! Hey!” I heard someone yell, turning to see Jake standing near one of the far corners of the club as I slowly made my way over there.
-
“Nah, everything’s good with me, just laying low over here till breaks over, how are you?”
“I’m goo- dude, I think you’ve got yourself a little fan over there,” Jake whispered, laughing as he took a sip of his drink.
I turned my head subtly to find a pair of blue eyes watching me, her body hidden behind the corner.
“Heyyy Logan!” I heard Alyssa slur behind me as I turned around, her dark eyes looked slightly red in the low light of the club as she walked over to me.
“Heyy,” I said, inviting her over, stopping her in front of me as I looked at her red face, “how much have you been drinking?”
“OH don’t worry,” she giggled, grinning at me, “I took a couple shots with some girls over there,” she said, waving her hand at the ceiling.
“Lyss, I’ve been gone for five minute-
“Ah, five minutes, five years! I still can’t fucking read.” She snapped, taking a drink out of her red cup.
“Hey, hey is this what it’s about? Not being able to read that script? Lyss I was only trying to help you out, but honestly it doesn’t even matter anymore,” I told her, putting my hands around her waist, looking her in the eyes.
“Logan,” she sighed, narrowing her eyes in at me suddenly becoming serious ,”have you ever just wanted to forget everything , even if you know you’re doing something stupid, you still do it cause you want to forget?”
I looked at her for a moment, zoning out.
“Yeah,” I laughed, resting my forehead on hers, “I’ve done some pretty stupid things when I was drunk.”
“I just want to forget everything tonight,” she sighed, resting her head on the crook of my neck, her warm breath touching my neck.
“I just want us to work, I want you to be okay,” I spoke softly into her ear.
She looked up at me, smiling as I leaned into her slowly-
“ATTA BOY LOGAN, GET A ROOM MAN,” Jake yelled, walking by me and patting my back as he walked by.
Alyssa laughed, her dimples showing subtly.
“Common,” she pulled me through the crowd, “let’s dance.”
“Thanks Jake,”I muttered, turning around just in time to see a head of long blonde hair disappear behind the corner, but I was way too focused on the girl in front of me to worry about anything else.
-
“Whoaa there,” I laughed, helping her up the stairs, “forgotten everything yet?”
“Forgotten what?” She smiled at me, holding onto my waist tightly.
“Alright then,” I laughed helping her walk down the upstairs hall quietly.
“You’re good at this,” she slurred, leaning on my arm, “do you practice this with aaallll the ladies?”
“Nah, just the special ones,” I replied, opening the door to her room.
“Oh you cheeseball,” she replied, giggling to herself as she closed the door behind us, “do you want to know what I do to cheesy guys?” She smiled, pushing me up against the door.
“Whoaa,” I let out, having been caught by surprise.
“It’s okay if you don’t want me to tell you what I’d do,” she giggled, “I can show you,” she whispered into my ear, running her hands under my shirt.
“Lyss,” I said, holding both of her hands and stopping her, “you are very very drunk an-
“And you are very very attractive,” she cut me off.
“What I meant was,” I said, stopping her again, “this all sounds great but you’re not going to remember any of it tomorro-
“Soo whatt,” she slurred, looking up at me.
“Soo, the last thing I want you to remember me as is the guy you had drunken sex with,” I stated, laughing at her.
She kind of just looked up at me, though I didn’t know if it was because she was upset or about to pass out.
“Common,” I told her, taking her by the hand and laying her down on her bed, pulling her blanket on top of her.
As I turned to leave, her hand still grasped mine firmly.
“Lyss,” I whispered, “I have to go,” I said, shaking my hand lightly, but she wouldn’t let go.
I smiled as I watched her falling asleep, her eyes fluttering shut. Her hand still holding mine, I made my way beside her, lying down slowly and wrapping my hand with hers, around her, pulling her closer to me as we both fell asleep.
I know this took awhile don’t hate me I love you all yes I will finish this fan fiction no matter how long it takes ok.
.
.
.
.
abs.
Forgive me.
Chapter 6
Alyssa’s POV;
I walked down the staircase quietly at dawn, looking out the window at the still darkness. A small light came from the living room as I peered my head around the corner, making out a broad figure seated on the couch.
“Logan,” I whispered, my voice barely audible.
“Hmm?” He turned his head, seemingly calm.
I stood there for a moment, resting my head on the wall as I thought of what to say.
“What,” I paused, phrasing the words in my head, “what happened to her?”
His soft blue eyes looked dark in the low light, his expression confused for a moment but I could tell that he began to understand. He looked frustrate at first, brows furrowed, but his expression softened when he looked back at me. His eyes found their way to the ground as I approached him slowly, my eyes cautious as I sat down in my pajama bottoms inches from him so our shoulders brushed lightly.
“They found a tumor in her brain,” he spoke, his voice monotone and sad. “We thought it was gone after the operation but I guess it came back,” he then paused again, like he was replaying the story in his head.
“Logan, you don’t ha-
“She lost her memory,” he cut me off, “she ran away from me and that was the last time I saw her.”
I tilted my head, watching him closely as my long brown hair brushed my thigh.
“Was she nice,” I asked quietly, the only thing I could think of.
Suddenly, his face broke into a smile as he turned to me.
“Yeah,” he smiled, his eyes piercing through mine, “yeah she was really nice,” he spoke slowly, snaking his arm around my waist so it sat there perfectly, pulling us both back so we rested on the couch, my head nestled on his shoulder and my eyelids getting heavy.
-
“HEY! HELLOO! RISE AND SHINE!”
My eyes flew open as I watched Dean flail his arms around in front of me.
“Morning sunshine,” he said with false enthusiasm.
I scowled, getting up to leave but I couldn’t moved. I turned to my side and my heart almost flew out of my chest as I watched Logan lying down beside me on he couch as he breathed silently, his arm still around my waist.
I looked back up at Dean who was eyeing me. I shook Logan awake as I watched his eyes open slowly.
“Hey,” he said sleepily, smiling as me as his arm brushed my bare waist, my shirt raised slightly from sleeping on the couch, revealing my skin.
“WHOA!” He yelled, realizing Dean was in front of us as he sat upright, holding both of his hands up.
A light flashed from my cellphone screen as it buzzed. I grabbed it from the coffee table and typed in my passcode.
1 New Message: Alex
“We need to talk.”
My eyes widened as I read the message.
Still scowling at Dean, I jumped off of my seat and ran out the door.
-
Alex just stood there staring at me, my hair wet from the heavy rain outside as I stepped into his house.
His face was emotionless as he stared at me, his eyes cold.
“Hey-
“Can, can you just come with me?” He asked.
My chest felt heavy as I followed him through his house, finally we reached the back door. He turned around and looked at me, his eyes saddened as he opened the door. Before I could say anythings he wrapped his arms around me, carrying me to his balcony where a table was set up, a single candle stood in the midle of it surrounded by two plates.
He set me down, cupping his hands around my face as he kissed me.
“Surprise!” He smiled, laughing as he waved his hand over the table and all, rain pouring down in the background.
I was still in a state of shock as I watched him.
“Did I scare you?” He laughed, wrapping his arm around my waist, “what- what’s wrong?” He asked suddenly, looking at my face.
“I, I,” I stuttered, moving out of his grasp.
“What’s wro-
“There’s someone else,” I breathed, my eyes widening as I realized what I had just said.
“Wh- what do you mean?” He stuttered, looking back at all he had done and then back at me, his eyes confused and hurt.
“I’m sorry,” I let out before turning around and running out of his house.
I ran under the rain into my car as I stared at the steering wheel, tears streaming down my face. Igniting the engine, all I could hear was the low rumbling of my car, then nothing. I hit my fist against the steering wheel in frustration, just resting my head on it in tears.
After 5 minutes, I got out of my car, putting my hood over my head as I started to walk home.
-
I walked on the sidewalk, stepping down at just the right time so I wouldn’t step on the cracks of the concrete floor. I smiled to myself, remembering how I used to play the floor is lava with Dean when we were kids.
“ALYSSA?”
I flinched as I stopped in my tracks, I didn’t want Alex to come after me, I felt bad enough already. I turned around, but I didn’t see Alex behind me, I didn’t see anyone behind me. The only thing I saw were a pair of light blue eyes looking out of his car window right at me.
“Why are you out here in the rain?” Logan asked as he got into the drivers seat after helping me into the car.
My clothes were soaking wet and my hair stuck to my face, my eyes were puffy and my face was sunken but he looked at me like I was the most important thing he had ever seen.
And for a moment, I felt like everything was going to be fine again.
But only for a moment
I guess maybe that’s why.
Maybe that’s why the other car forgot to stop.
Maybe because life has a way of fucking things up, when you thought they couldn’t get worse.
Maybe that’s what was meant to happen
And as I felt everything go dark, I felt a warm touch come to my hand soon after, rain falling to my face as I lay on the stretcher, bright lights making their way through my blurred vision.
“Stay with me please,” I felt his hand tighten around mine, before I finally had to let go.
Maybe that’s why I squeezed his hand a little tighter, just before everything went dark.
-
“Sir you need to leave.”
“Can’t I just-
“We need to run some tests, you’ll be able to visit her when we’re done.”
I opened my eyes as bright lights shined straight at me. I lifted my hand to shield my eyes but found wires taped to them. I looked to my right and found an African-American lady standing beside me, a sweet smile plastered on her face.
“Hey hon, how you feeling?”
“What happened?” I asked groggily.
“Drunk driver, came from your side of the car and hit you two, nothing too serious though. We might need to keep you here for a while but you’ll be fine,” she smiled, reassuring me a bit.
She eyed me as I stared out of the door, wanting to see behind the blinds at who was standing behind them.
“That your boyfriend?” she asked, grinning, “a keeper there, he wouldn’t leave your side. Almost had to have security haul him out,” she laughed, taking her clipboard as she walked out of the room, “I’ll be back in a little while.”
I rolled my head back, feeling the pain in my neck-
“Lyss?”
My eyes snapped back to the doorway, a wide eyed Logan standing there watching me.
“Are you alright? God ‘m sorry, I had no idea that car was coming, he- he came out of nowhere, Dean’s on the way with your mom I’m so-
Before he could continue, I pulled him towards me so our foreheads touched, as I stared into his blue eyes I let out a sigh of relief as I closed my eyes and smiled, inhaling deeply to the lingering scent of his cologne.
“What the fuck are you doing to my girlfriend?”
My eyes flew open as my heart started beating faster, I watched Alex in the doorway, his hair messed up as he stood there looking pissed off. Logan opened his mouth to speak but before he could talk, Alex went off.
“So this is him huh Lyss? Don’t fucking touch her,” he spoke, walking towards us.
“Hey man, chil-
“Don’t tell me to chill, where do you get off touching my girlfriend? I’m going to fuck you u-
“She’s not your girlfriend anymore,” Logan spoke calmly, staring at him.
Alex paused, staring at Logan. Then he looked straight at me. I was too stunned to say anything.
“Oh, alright that’s how we’re playing it?” He asked, standing inches from Logan now, “alright, whatever.,” he said, holding both his hands up, “just know that she ended it with me an hour ago, so if she was fucking around with you before that, she was probably fucking around with me too,” he grinned, stepping back a bit, “don’t think just because you’re famous I’m going to go easy on you, you don’t know who you’re fucking with superstar,” and with that he walked out of the room.
Logan stood there for a moment, back facing me. As he turned around, I expected his eyes to be full of anger but I could only sense one emotion.
Pain
“Is what he said true?” He asked simply, looking right at me/
I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, “please just give me time to explai-
“Lyss..” he cut me off, looking me in the eyes.
I watched him, and I said the only thing I could say anymore, “please, just please don’t leave.”
He watched me for a moment, searching my eyes, before he started walking.
He sat himself beside me on the hospital bed.
He snaked his arm around my waist again and this time with the hand he had around my waist, he ran his finger down my arm, feeling all the bruises gently all the way down to my wrist.
And he took my hand in his.
-Sorry for the long wait, buuut here’s chapter 6 (: Tell me what you think xx
Forgive me.
Chapter 5
Alyssa’s POV;
I tapped my fingers slowly on the windowpane as I stared outside of my closed window, the moon was bright, giving a nice glow to the starless sky. I looked at my clock on the bedside table, 11:55.
Images ran through my head as I registered what had happened last night again, as I’ve been doing all day.
Meet me here at midnight tomorrow, Dean might wake up soon, he whispered after we had talked till 6 in the morning, letting out a small laugh before he disappeared through Deans bedroom window. His voice was deep and soft, like he had just woken up. The little smile he gave, his mouth curving slightly as wrinkles formed on the sides of his eyes, just as I told him the biggest lie ever.
Dean and Logan were out all day, so I had the whole day to think, think about what would happen if he found out, what if he found out everything at the same time Alex did, what if-
“AHHHHH,” I screamed as a dark figure appeared outside of the window.
The window flew open, “Shhh, sorry” he laughed as his face became clearer. “You’re not helping me keep Dean asleep,” he smiled as he held out his hand, “let’s go.”
I grinned slightly as I saw him laughing again, but it drained away as I took his hand and climbed onto the roof.
I’m not supposed to be doing this, I reminded myself.
“You did that on purpose! ” I accused him as I sat down.
“What? No I didn’t.” He replied, looking at me seriously.
“Oh.”
“But you have to admit that was funny,” he laughed as his face broke into a grin.
“Ass,” I laughed as I pushed his arm.
“Hey, be careful, the last thing you need to do is push me off of this roof.”
“I can see it now,” I spoke dramatically, waving my hand in front of both of us, “In this weeks freak accidents, Logan Lerman falls to his death from a roof.”
He moves closer to me, so he’s centimeters away from my ear. “Not if I push you first,” he says menacingly, backing away ever so subtly and looking forward like nothing happened.
“Do people know how crazy you really are?”
“There’s a lot people don’t know about me,” he grins mysteriously.
“Like your weird obsession with rooftops?”
Suddenly, he sits up straighter, his body still as he doesn’t look at me.
“What’s…wrong?” I ask, turning to look at him, “I didn’t mean it in a bad way… I was just -
“No, it’s nothing,” he cuts me off, pausing for awhile before he grins. “Just thinking of ways I would escape if you really wanted to push me off.”
“Oh,” I laugh, as we both sit there, a trace of a smile on both of our faces as we stare forward, a nice silence spreading between us.
He’s sitting inches from me,
he could lean in,
or I could,
and we could kiss.
I turn towards him and find him staring at me intently, his blue eyes seemingly darker tonight.
“Why are you so mad at Dean?” He asks suddenly.
Words get caught in my throat as I just stare at the roof below me,
“I didn’t mean t-
“I’d just rather not talk about it,” I choke out.
“Hey, I’m sorry, it’s alright if you don’t wan-
“Why are you here?”
“What?”
“I mean, why did you come back from school with Dean, don’t you live around here too?”
“Secret for a secret?”
I watch him for a moment, his eyes so intense, but his face so soft and caring. I nod in agreement.
“You first.”
“Well,” he starts, but pauses as his eyes do that thing I see them do ever so often, seemingly drift away somewhere else as he speaks to me. “I guess Dean thought I needed to get away from everything.”
“Everything?” I asked, confused.
“Family, friends, my life basically, I guess he thought I needed a break,” he spoke slowly, as if he was explaining it to himself too.
I nodded, wondering if there was more to that explanation.
“And you?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you so mad at Dean?”
I sigh, “I guess you were bound to get curious,” I tell him as knit my eyebrows together, wondering where to start.
“If you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine,” he tells me suddenly, watching my facial expression.
“It’s alright, a secret for a secret,” I pause for a moment as he smiles at me.
“When I was six and Dean was ten, I signed up to audition for a small role in a TV show. After waiting for weeks, I finally figured out that they never called. A couple of months later, my mom found out that they actually did call, but Dean had answered the phone. He imitated my dads voice and told the casting director that I couldn’t make the audition. When the casting director called back and found out about what Dean had done, they thought he was hilarious and wanted to change the girls role to a guy cause they thought the audience would find it funnier. They asked him to go in for an audition and he got the part. And by that time, I had already started the second grade,” my voice trailed off staring at the roof tiles.
“Why di-
“I’m dyslexic Logan,” I cut him off. “Scripts are about the only things I can decipher, school and homework and tutors, I can’t do it all. No one wanted the dyslexic kid to play the part, I would be to difficult to work with. That casting director was about the only one who was willing to give me a shot, and because of Dean, because of what Dean did I have to go to school, and try to read off of the board and spend my weekends at a tutor when he gets to take time off of school to be an actor in New York” I let it all out.
Logan stares at me, his eyes wide as I realize I’ve been telling him my whole life story, the story only one other person knows.
Alex.
“Lyss,” he starts, his eyes so apologetic.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I force a smile, “a secret for a secret right?”
“You didn’t have to tell me all of that, but I’m glad you trust me,” he lets out a soft smile.
“I need to tell you something else,” I say on impulse, not realizing what I just said until it was out of my mouth. My eyes widen as he turns to me.
“What is it?”
I guess I couldn’t lie to him forever.
“Can we talk inside?”
—
I watch his curiosity wonder as he stands directly in front of me, my back against the closed window of my bedroom and his back facing my bedroom door.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, his eyes searching mine.
“I, what I said last night, what I meant-
“ALYSSA IT’S TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING WHO THE FUCK IS- Logan?”
I jump as I watch the door push open, Dean yelling as he stands in the doorway, his voice coming to a halt as Logan turns around.
“Logan, wait, what- WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER MAN?” He asks, his voice full of confusion.
“Dean-
“SHHHH,” he cuts Logan off, putting his hand out to him, probably registering what’s happening.
“ALYSSA WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BEST FRIEND?”
“Dean I-
“SHHHHH,” he cuts me off, staring at the both of us.
“Dean I wasn’t doing anything to he-
“NO NO NO” he starts, but pauses. His facial expression softens suddenly, “just, just go into my room man, I’ll be there in a sec.”
I watch as Logan walks awkwardly out of the doorway as I hear the door close softly.
“Dean what the fuck?” I snap at him.
“You don’t understand Alyssa, there’s just a lot you don’t know right now and you need to just stay away from him,” he let out, sounding exasperated as he turned around to walk out of the room.
“Dean you need to stop talking to me like you actually protect me or something, okay?” I replied, my face getting hot.
He stopped walking and just stood there for a moment as I stared at his back.
“The last thing I need is to bring him here to get away from everything and have you fucking with his emotions Lyss, his girlfriend is dead, she died two years ago, she’s gone and she’s not coming back anymore.”
-Looong chapter. I know I suck you guys, I haven’t been posting but I’m still here. I have a couple of days off before my tests start up again so I’ll try to get something in before that. Thanks for those of you who are still sticking around. And just a reminder, I did change up chapter 4 slightly so make sure to see the changes before reading this (:
Forgive me.
Chapter 4
Alyssa’s POV;
Back, forth, back, forth.
This is what I concentrated on.
The loud drops of rain hitting the gravel were drowned out. My wet hair sticking to my face, my shorts and sweatshirt soaked, a chill running up my spine, all were ignored. The lighting striking the skies were blinding to any person, but not to me.
Not today.
Not right now.
I watched as my shoe laces flew through the air, watching as a large drop of rain hit them ever so often, as if they were fighting a never ending battle. I drowned out the rest of the world, the only audible sound was of the chains of the swing set rubbing together, making a loud sound against the seemingly silent background every once in a while.
Everything was so calm, yet it was not.
This is where I had been seated for hours.
This is where I had been seated for two hours, to be exact.
My thinking swing.
When ironically the only thing I could think of was nothing and nothing isn’t a very good thing to think of in a place for thinking.
In my opinion anyways.
My thoughts brought me to Logan, then to Alex, then to the rain, then back to Logan.
And maybe some thoughts were better than no thoughts at all, but thoughts about feelings,
well, thought abut feelings for another person, when I had a boyfriend were not very good thoughts at all.
I knit my eyebrows, staring at the sky, watching the yellow steaks of lighting appear followed by thunder ringing through my ears.
Then it struck me.
The lightning struck the tree and the thought struck me.
I stuck my shoes into the wet gravel as I watched the branches of the tree hit the ground.
The tree fell.
I got up.
I knew where to go now.
I knew what I had to do.
-
I hit my palm against the door as rain dripped down my hair.
“Ye- Lyss?!” He exclaimed, staring at me with a bewildered look on his face.
I just watched him, his dark hair and tall form standing right in front of me.
“I-
“What happened to you? Come inside, why are you clothes all wet?” He asked these questions continuously, none of which I could answer.
Curiosity filled his voice as he led me into the living room, “here,” he said soothingly, wrapping a blanket, then his arms around me.
“You’re freezing, what did you do to yourself?”
“Alex, I’m fine.”
“Lyss, you’re not fine.” He answered sternly. “You almost fainted when I saw you the other day and now you come to my door at midnight soaking wet. What’s going on?”
I stared at him, again finding myself conflicted.
Again he was confused.
Again, it was because I couldn’t tell him the truth.
Again and again I was making mistakes, but none of them were being fixed.I knew what I had to say now, I knew I had to say it.
“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice,” he spoke quietly, sitting beside me on the couch as he stared at me intently, “I was a bit surprised, I mean, you’ve never done, well this before,” he laughed.
I managed a grin, as his eyebrows arched a bit, a habit he had when he was worrying about things.
Worrying about me.
“So can you tell me why you’re out getting your clothes drenched at this hour?”
I opened my mouth wanting to speak, sickening myself slightly as I thought of me. When he had been worrying about why I was here, now, I was busy thinking of ways.
Ways I was going to break up with him.
“Alex, I need to, to tell you something.”
“Sure babe, what’s up?”
His voice so innocent. Knowing of absolutely nothing.
“Well, you know Dean came back last week right?” I asked him, trying to stay calm.
“Mmhmm?”
“And there’s something you need to know, about the time outside of the bar, and about today.”
“What is it?”
I watched his eyes, his innocent eyes and loving smile.
“Dean’s been driving me crazy and I just couldn’t stay at home with him.”
I couldn’t do it.
“Oh,” he smiled, “no worries Lyss, you can sleep here, alright?”
No worries.
You don’t even know the half of it.
-
I lay in the familiar dark room, his arm hung over my waist as his soft breathing rang through my ears. I stared at the dark wall, my back facing him as I let my meaningless thoughts of today run through my head.
I couldn’t tell him, I couldn’t hurt him anymore than he already was, seeing me confused and dazed.
I lifted his arm off of my waist as I got up slowly, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen from his bedside table and writing the only thing I could say to him.
I’m sorry, I have to go first. Thanks for letting me stay x
I stopped for a moment staring at the small piece of paper. ‘I love you, I added before walking out of the door.Logan’s POV;
Deans motionless form lay in front of my bed, snoring just as loud as he did when we were twelve. I looked at my phone, it was 3 in the morning.
I couldn’t sleep at all, after what had happened today. Alyssa hadn’t come home and it was all my fault.
I got up slowly, trying not to make any noise as I opened his bedroom window, climbing onto the roof as I rested my back on his window. I remembered this place like my own home. Dean had his first kiss here and some of our best songs were thought of on this roof. I watched the pitch black night sky, a couple of stars shining through the clouds. The cool air hitting shirtless torso as my shorts hung loosely on me.
I turned around as I heard the window slide open behind me, ”hey Dea- oh,” I stopped myself, watching her emerge from the window beside Deans’.
Her Dark hair was wavy and all over the place, her face looked saddened as she stared at me. She moved back inside, closing the window.
“Wait!” I called out, the window stopping halfway.
Her sunken faced emerged once more as she watched me cautiously.
“Can, we talk?” I asked the only words that I could think of.
She paused for a while, as if deciding whether to answer or not, then she stepped onto the roof, sitting herself beside me in her sweatshirt and shorts, our legs centimeters apart. Her legs crossed and my hands placed on top of my knees.
She stared forward, no words spoken by the both of us.
She turned, her eyebrows knit as she looked straight at me, again I found myself watching her intently.
“Did you plan this or something?” She asked suspiciously.
“Both of us on a roof at 3 in the morning with a slight lack of clothing? No of course not,” I laughed.
She let out a smile, staring down as she fiddled with her fingers.
“Listen, I’m sorry. The bar and the kitchen, I didn’t mean to, ” I told her softly, “I didn’t know, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”
She stared at the roof tiles, not answering me.
“I don’t.”
“Huh?” I asked, looking up at her, “but Dean-
“I don’t, I don’t have one anymore.”
