Forgive me.
Chapter 5
Alyssa’s POV;
I tapped my fingers slowly on the windowpane as I stared outside of my closed window, the moon was bright, giving a nice glow to the starless sky. I looked at my clock on the bedside table, 11:55.
Images ran through my head as I registered what had happened last night again, as I’ve been doing all day.
Meet me here at midnight tomorrow, Dean might wake up soon, he whispered after we had talked till 6 in the morning, letting out a small laugh before he disappeared through Deans bedroom window. His voice was deep and soft, like he had just woken up. The little smile he gave, his mouth curving slightly as wrinkles formed on the sides of his eyes, just as I told him the biggest lie ever.
Dean and Logan were out all day, so I had the whole day to think, think about what would happen if he found out, what if he found out everything at the same time Alex did, what if-
“AHHHHH,” I screamed as a dark figure appeared outside of the window.
The window flew open, “Shhh, sorry” he laughed as his face became clearer. “You’re not helping me keep Dean asleep,” he smiled as he held out his hand, “let’s go.”
I grinned slightly as I saw him laughing again, but it drained away as I took his hand and climbed onto the roof.
I’m not supposed to be doing this, I reminded myself.
“You did that on purpose! ” I accused him as I sat down.
“What? No I didn’t.” He replied, looking at me seriously.
“Oh.”
“But you have to admit that was funny,” he laughed as his face broke into a grin.
“Ass,” I laughed as I pushed his arm.
“Hey, be careful, the last thing you need to do is push me off of this roof.”
“I can see it now,” I spoke dramatically, waving my hand in front of both of us, “In this weeks freak accidents, Logan Lerman falls to his death from a roof.”
He moves closer to me, so he’s centimeters away from my ear. “Not if I push you first,” he says menacingly, backing away ever so subtly and looking forward like nothing happened.
“Do people know how crazy you really are?”
“There’s a lot people don’t know about me,” he grins mysteriously.
“Like your weird obsession with rooftops?”
Suddenly, he sits up straighter, his body still as he doesn’t look at me.
“What’s…wrong?” I ask, turning to look at him, “I didn’t mean it in a bad way… I was just -
“No, it’s nothing,” he cuts me off, pausing for awhile before he grins. “Just thinking of ways I would escape if you really wanted to push me off.”
“Oh,” I laugh, as we both sit there, a trace of a smile on both of our faces as we stare forward, a nice silence spreading between us.
He’s sitting inches from me,
he could lean in,
or I could,
and we could kiss.
I turn towards him and find him staring at me intently, his blue eyes seemingly darker tonight.
“Why are you so mad at Dean?” He asks suddenly.
Words get caught in my throat as I just stare at the roof below me,
“I didn’t mean t-
“I’d just rather not talk about it,” I choke out.
“Hey, I’m sorry, it’s alright if you don’t wan-
“Why are you here?”
“What?”
“I mean, why did you come back from school with Dean, don’t you live around here too?”
“Secret for a secret?”
I watch him for a moment, his eyes so intense, but his face so soft and caring. I nod in agreement.
“You first.”
“Well,” he starts, but pauses as his eyes do that thing I see them do ever so often, seemingly drift away somewhere else as he speaks to me. “I guess Dean thought I needed to get away from everything.”
“Everything?” I asked, confused.
“Family, friends, my life basically, I guess he thought I needed a break,” he spoke slowly, as if he was explaining it to himself too.
I nodded, wondering if there was more to that explanation.
“And you?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you so mad at Dean?”
I sigh, “I guess you were bound to get curious,” I tell him as knit my eyebrows together, wondering where to start.
“If you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine,” he tells me suddenly, watching my facial expression.
“It’s alright, a secret for a secret,” I pause for a moment as he smiles at me.
“When I was six and Dean was ten, I signed up to audition for a small role in a TV show. After waiting for weeks, I finally figured out that they never called. A couple of months later, my mom found out that they actually did call, but Dean had answered the phone. He imitated my dads voice and told the casting director that I couldn’t make the audition. When the casting director called back and found out about what Dean had done, they thought he was hilarious and wanted to change the girls role to a guy cause they thought the audience would find it funnier. They asked him to go in for an audition and he got the part. And by that time, I had already started the second grade,” my voice trailed off staring at the roof tiles.
“Why di-
“I’m dyslexic Logan,” I cut him off. “Scripts are about the only things I can decipher, school and homework and tutors, I can’t do it all. No one wanted the dyslexic kid to play the part, I would be to difficult to work with. That casting director was about the only one who was willing to give me a shot, and because of Dean, because of what Dean did I have to go to school, and try to read off of the board and spend my weekends at a tutor when he gets to take time off of school to be an actor in New York” I let it all out.
Logan stares at me, his eyes wide as I realize I’ve been telling him my whole life story, the story only one other person knows.
Alex.
“Lyss,” he starts, his eyes so apologetic.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I force a smile, “a secret for a secret right?”
“You didn’t have to tell me all of that, but I’m glad you trust me,” he lets out a soft smile.
“I need to tell you something else,” I say on impulse, not realizing what I just said until it was out of my mouth. My eyes widen as he turns to me.
“What is it?”
I guess I couldn’t lie to him forever.
“Can we talk inside?”
—
I watch his curiosity wonder as he stands directly in front of me, my back against the closed window of my bedroom and his back facing my bedroom door.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, his eyes searching mine.
“I, what I said last night, what I meant-
“ALYSSA IT’S TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING WHO THE FUCK IS- Logan?”
I jump as I watch the door push open, Dean yelling as he stands in the doorway, his voice coming to a halt as Logan turns around.
“Logan, wait, what- WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER MAN?” He asks, his voice full of confusion.
“Dean-
“SHHHH,” he cuts Logan off, putting his hand out to him, probably registering what’s happening.
“ALYSSA WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BEST FRIEND?”
“Dean I-
“SHHHHH,” he cuts me off, staring at the both of us.
“Dean I wasn’t doing anything to he-
“NO NO NO” he starts, but pauses. His facial expression softens suddenly, “just, just go into my room man, I’ll be there in a sec.”
I watch as Logan walks awkwardly out of the doorway as I hear the door close softly.
“Dean what the fuck?” I snap at him.
“You don’t understand Alyssa, there’s just a lot you don’t know right now and you need to just stay away from him,” he let out, sounding exasperated as he turned around to walk out of the room.
“Dean you need to stop talking to me like you actually protect me or something, okay?” I replied, my face getting hot.
He stopped walking and just stood there for a moment as I stared at his back.
“The last thing I need is to bring him here to get away from everything and have you fucking with his emotions Lyss, his girlfriend is dead, she died two years ago, she’s gone and she’s not coming back anymore.”
-Looong chapter. I know I suck you guys, I haven’t been posting but I’m still here. I have a couple of days off before my tests start up again so I’ll try to get something in before that. Thanks for those of you who are still sticking around. And just a reminder, I did change up chapter 4 slightly so make sure to see the changes before reading this (:
